Pros and Cons of the difficult balance between Autonomy and attachment in the Socioemotional Development in Adolescence

Question:
Adolescents is a time where autonomy and attachment are difficult to balance. Discuss the pros AND cons of establishing independence and sustaining familial attachment.


Answer 1:

Cons:
As adolescents push for more autonomy and responsibility, conflicts between parents and adolescents escalate, heated emotional exchange is common, which hurts family relationship. It is not uncommon to hear, especially from mothers, who complain how their feelings are hurt by their teenage kids. From childhood to adolescence, teenagers’ increasing needs for autonomy sometimes are being considered as disrespectful of parental authority. Parents often find it frustrating as their teenage kids are slipping away from their control, while teenagers may see parents’ behaviors as overbearing and become even more motivated to detach from family.


Pros:
This negotiation of independence and autonomy between parents and adolescents is also an essential element that helps the transition from childhood to adolescence. Familial attachment is especially important as proper parental guidance can aid adolescents in effectively tackling the developmental challenge of establishing a sense of identity. As teenagers trying to establish independence, the parent-adolescent conflict usually involves trivial everyday events of family life. This active, mature negotiation of responsibility serves as a positive developmental function as teenagers learn to express disagreement and reason with their parents. As parents respond positively in these negotiation process, teenagers will become more comfortable in the future to discuss developmental matters with parents as they earn their trust in teenagers through relinquishing responsibilities to them gradually.


In short, proper parental guidance is essential for the developmental process in which adolescents establish independence and familial attachment. Negligence in providing parental guidance and monitoring teenagers’ development can lead to detrimental peer relations or even drug use, however overbearing parents can also push teenagers toward the same direction as teenagers may feel that their voices are ignored by their parents. Thus it is a very delicate balance to strike. I realize even the tone of voice can make a big difference in how teenagers perceive your intention, whether you are trying to control them or convince them. Have you encountered similar situations?

Question for Psychologists:
As a budding Psychologist, how would you counsel parents who seek your services regarding their "out of control teens?"

Answer 2:
Thanks to the person sharing Answer 1...for the comprehensive response. I totally agree with them. I would like to add that as adolescence, when they try to gain independence, they want more freedom. They think that what they are doing is based on personal choice and not parents' choice. Hence that is where conflict arises. Parents want to choose for the kid while the kid thinks that parents are being too over-controlled, hence lack of freedom. So there is good and bad in this area. In this case, the pros and cons are as follow :-
Pros: Adolescence learn to be independent.
Cons: Adolescence might make a bad decision.

The key issue is how to deal with this issue, how do we interact with the adolescent child in a way that he/she gains independence and at the same time, is guided to make right decisions as perceived by the parents. I guess this is also the question Donica is asking...how to deal with the "out of control teens" who want to gain independence and lesser attachment...at the same time parents want their kids to make accurate and wise choices.

In answer to the question for psychologists, personally...I think it is all about communication. How the parents communicate with the adolescent child. Parents should give more praises (positive statements) to the child and praise them in decisions that were done well. With that, the child will have a good self-esteem. Once this is achieved, parents can give suggestions to the kid how he/she can improve in the areas they didn't do that well. I would consider this as a sandwich approach where the extremes of the bread are praises (Positive remarks) while the inside are constructive suggestions (Counter-the-negative remarks). Instead of shouting and screaming at the kid at their bad stuff only or focusing too much on their bad, I think using the sandwich approach might be better.


Further Thoughts: Great job on the above issues....In reversal, how would you counsel the adolescent on risky behaviors? What are some risky behaviors and are they always maladaptive?

Answer 3:
Some risky behaviors include substance abuse, juvenile delinquency, sexual problems, and school related problems. The major causes of these risky behavior is that adolescents are confused as they fail to develop their identities. During this vulnerable stage, they may encounter many failures as they cannot measure up to the demands of various social roles imposed on them by the society and/or parents. Without proper counseling from teachers and parents to guide them through facing these perceived failures, they attempt to establish an identity that is deviant to socially acceptable roles.

I believe as this is a learning stage, adolescents may have acted out, but they are still capable of learning with proper guidance and counseling. I will go about by giving unconditional empathy for the adolescent to express his/her difficulties encounter as a teenager, such as peer pressure, parent negligence, lack of social support, etc. As I gain his/her trust, I go on to explain how those social roles imposed on them are not set in stone. This is especially true in Hong Kong where parents have a very narrow expectation for their children, i.e. perform well academically. I use the term "narrow" is because they fail to recognize that "performing well academically" is not the only way to a successful life. Teenagers need to understand that as much as the parents to have an open-mind about the world that they live in. Being a chef, or a plumber, can live a live as happy, if not happier than rich people. There are a lot of studies on happiness, I will explain to the teenagers that they can be the master of their lives that they have options, as long as they are a responsible citizens.

Food for thought:
The above are really some good points, and from an individualistic society perspective, it can be agreed on your take of happiness. But knowing Hong Kong is a collective society, I wonder how you would support the adolescent to communicate to their parents that they prefer to be a plumber instead of a doctor or lawyer? Do you think their future employment happiness would out weight their familial unhappiness? There really is no right or wrong answer here, just some "food for thought."

Answer 4:
As mentioned earlier, the risky behaviors include drinking, driving, indulgent sexual practices and malignant eating pattern. They are not all maladaptive if they are in some ways that are congruent with cultural, legal and societal expectations. For example, driving and drinking are important experiences that may benefit the social activities in the adulthood.


If an adolescent with a risky behavior (e.g. substance abuse) requests for my intervention, I will build rapport with him first. On the one hand, I will inquire his history of abuse and his mood after taking substance. On the other hand, I will work with his family, friends or medical personnel in order to understand more genetic factors contributing to chemical dependence. Both positive experiences and negative consequences associated with abuse will be shown to make him aware of what are ignored before. Some assessment instruments such as the Addiction Severity Index (ASI) and Abuse Subtle Screening Instrument (SASSI) are utilized to obtain more information and review results with him. I also explore situational stress factors that induce him to chemical dependence. Then, I encourage the client and family members to develop a written aftercare plan to avoid relapse and to support-long term sobriety. The plan will include how to overcome obstacles and what social activities to replace substance abuse related activities. At last, same as "Answer 2" saying, family support is very vital in the recovery. I will recommend the family to reinforce for any effort and improvement.